How to build sustainable self-care habits as a busy person in their 20s
Spoiler: the key is to pick and practice only what works for YOU
Self-care is a buzzword. Chances are you can’t talk about a stressful situation without someone prescribing you a bath and night alone. At some point, you’ve probably had a friend back out of social plans because they need a self-care night (or maybe you are that friend. I know I have been... many times).
But what exactly is self-care?
In its popular culture context, self-care is often correlated with time spent alone doing perfunctory activities to “rejuvenate yourself,” such as taking a bath, ordering takeout, and watching TV.
I’m actually not here to rag on any of those things. They’re all incredibly valid choices in the myriad of ways to practice self-care. But – what if self-care was bigger than that?
Broadening our definition of self-care
First, let’s take a step back and examine some definitions of self-care.
World Health Organization: The ability of individuals, families and communities to promote their own health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness with or without the support of a health or care worker
Cross-Discipline Definition: The ability to care for oneself through awareness, self-control, and self-reliance in order to achieve, maintain, or promote optimal health and well-being
In the world of mental health: Activities and practices we engage in on a regular basis to reduce stress and enhance our well-being
I know that’s a lot of definitions. While they are similar, they seem to be written with a different end goal in mind: illness prevention, promoting optimal health, and reducing stress, respectively.
Self-care has been a hard term to pin down with one particular definition, as its purpose varies across disciplines, and because it has unique meaning for every individual.
Although terminology can be helpful, this ambiguity actually better serves us than a precise definition. As individuals, we have different circumstances and preferences. This means that what you need to take care of yourself will look different than what your friend or neighbor or coworker needs.
You are allowed to decide what self-care means to you. And you get to build a self-care practice that serves you, as opposed to trying to fit yourself into a predefined box of what you “should” be doing.
So… now what? Where do you even start with building that practice?
Using the 7 Pillars of Self-Care as a guidepost
Did you know there are actually SEVEN pillars of self-care?
Mental
Emotional
Physical
Environmental
Spiritual
Recreational
Social
I like to think of these seven pillars like the ingredients for your favorite smoothie. When all seven elements are present, you have the perfect-tasting smoothie. However, sometimes life happens, a banana rots, and we don’t have all those ingredients. Our smoothie will still be a smoothie, but it might taste off.
At times, seven pillars can feel like a lot of ingredients. Don’t ditch this idea yet! You might be thinking: “Kelsi, how can I possibly have a 7-part self-care routine when I don’t even have time to make myself breakfast in the morning?”
Don’t fear — this is meant to be an empowering model. Remember when I said a smoothie is still a smoothie, even if one or two ingredients are missing?
You can feel well and be engaging with a robust self-care practice, even if you aren’t hitting all those pillars at the same time!
The purpose of these seven pillars is to help you understand how a host of things are contributing to your well-being at any time. This enables you to decide which of the pillars are most crucial for YOU, allowing for flexibility to choose what you want to incorporate, and when, where, and how you would like to do so.
Keep this in mind when building your self-care practice
Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like every time I turn on my phone someone is telling me about a new, life-changing habit that I HAVE to introduce, or else pain and suffering and illness and death and yadda-yadda and so on.
I find myself susceptible to the newest trends and am easily overwhelmed by all my options, such that self-care becomes more stress-inducing than refreshing.
As a girl in her twenties who has spent her fair share of time in the trenches figuring out how to take care of herself, there are a few powerful things I’ve learned along the way that have helped me adopt self-care with grace and kindness for myself.
Here are a few tips you might find helpful when deciding what self-care looks like in your life:
Remember, this is YOUR practice.
At the end of the day, no one knows you, your life, or your body better than you do. Regardless of what people are preaching (or screeching) online, you get to choose what you do, or don’t do.
This one’s for the ladies — Learn to flow with your cycle.
Have you heard of cycle syncing? For the girlies and folks with female reproductive systems, it’s the practice of adapting your health and lifestyle habits to fit the four phases of your menstrual cycle.
Without getting into its complexities, here’s the overview:
All humans have hormones. These hormones operate cyclically and influence our sleep, brain function, and biological patterns.
All humans have a circadian rhythm. This operates on a 24-hour cycle and is a natural fluctuation of hormones that guides your waking, sleeping, and the behaviors in between.
Those of us with a female reproductive system have an additional rhythm that operates on an approximately 28-day cycle: this is known as the infradian rhythm.
What this means is that at different times in that 28-day cycle, the hormones in your body are priming you for different biological activities (like ovulation) that influence your mental focus, energy levels, sex life, and diet needs.
At different times of your cycle, your strengths lie in different areas. For example, many women feel a need for extra sleep during their luteal phase and may not want to spend a lot of time socializing. Yay! This is a great time to prioritize sleep and restful activities. However, during ovulation, many women feel more social and energized. This is a perfect time to have important conversations and work on collaborative projects at work.
This knowledge helps you move through life with grace. The takeaway: Your mind and body have BIOLOGICALLY INFORMED differences at different times - you are not lazy or crazy! You just need to choose activities that align with the needs of your body.
Allow space for the habits to change. Choose the thing that will most serve you in that moment.
Every time I scroll through TikTok I feel like I’m told about 5 different “must-have” habits in my morning routine. There are a million things you can do to care for those seven pillars.
The joy of life is that you have freedom of choice! Maybe journaling in the mornings serves you for a few months. And then that isn’t feeling so good anymore, so you decide to sit in silence for 10 minutes on your porch every morning. Or, that could be a game-time decision you make in the morning depending on what you feel drawn to that day.
Just like clothes are meant to fit you, not you to fit the clothes, habits should serve you, you shouldn’t serve them! Feel free to try a self-care practice when an old one is no longer serving you.
Pick 1-2 daily nonnegotiables
This is less about the habit and more about the pillar that habit is serving. For example, maybe you know that if you don’t do something for your physical health every day, you find yourself in a negative mental space. So, your nonnegotiable is that every day you move your body in some way, whether it’s a quick 10-minute walk or an intense workout, you know that caring for yourself means that is a pillar that you absolutely cannot miss.
For me, mental health is paramount. It is important to me that I have 10 minutes every day to check in with my mental and emotional state, take a deep breath, and settle into my body. This has changed shape throughout my life. In college, I would journal every morning and every night before bed. Now, sometimes I journal, sometimes I smoke on my balcony in silence without my phone before bed. Sometimes it’s a slow, peaceful morning before heading out into the world. When I’m traveling, it’s taking time to shower and get ready by myself, so I have a minute to collect my thoughts and feel connected to my body and intuition.
Again, your habits can change with time!
When in doubt, follow this structure: Do something every day to nourish your mind, your body, and your soul.
Here are some examples:
Mind: journal, read a book, give yourself permission to not obsesses or worry over something, organize your thoughts, get something done on your to-do list, take time away from your phone/social media
Body: quality sleep, nourishing meal, movement, time outdoors
Soul: spend time with a friend, engage in a creative activity, spiritual practice